I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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