So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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