I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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