saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
