you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
