just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
