just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
