so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
