Too much gin, very little bucket
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
