Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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