Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
