I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
