He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My cat gives me a boner
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
