Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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