Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
