When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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