i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
