I think I am morally bankrupt
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
