If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
