I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
