ugly people sure do ruin things
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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