i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
