hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
