Pappa wants mamma naked
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
too bad you live with your parents still
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
