The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
