I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
