This is not my ceiling
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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