dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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