bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
