Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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