you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
