We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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