I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
