when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
