I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
