Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize