the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
