She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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