my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
