Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
