Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
