I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
