she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
