Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
