I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
