idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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