so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
