do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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