So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
