i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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