Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is my gift to your gina
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
