Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
