Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
