her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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