the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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