Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
