i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
