I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
