I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
