I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
