so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
