I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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