nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
