We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
