i think my tv is drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
