I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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