When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
