I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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