Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
