My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
