True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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