my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
