I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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