He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
