Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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