god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
