i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
