Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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