Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
