did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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