just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
