Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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