just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
