cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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